I’m someone who spends the majority of my life trying to figure out how I can make more experiences feel like I’m sleeping on a couch, so I might not be the MOST reliable when it comes to crazy and wild sex tips.

That being said, I feel like I can safely weigh in on some of the fairly obvious bullshit parading itself as hot, sexy tips and tricks for inside the bedroom.

Insider deets: If it sounds unsafe, unsanitary or uncomfortable, it probably IS unsafe, unsanitary or uncomfortable.

Look, it wasn’t MY idea to make the parts of our body that emit waste also our most pleasurable zones, but here we all are.

Here are some sex ideas that are probably health hazards.