You swiped right on Rick a couple days ago, and the two of you immediately engaged in some pretty mediocre banter.

After a few standard, “Hi, you’re cute,” “Where are you from,” “haha cool” type messages were exchanged, good ol’ Rick finally asked you out for drinks after work on Friday.

Normally, you wouldn’t go. But you’re in the thick of a particularly tundra-esque dry spell, and his pictures look pretty hot. And, I mean, it’s not like the conversation is horrible — maybe he’s just more fun in person. So you decide to go for it.

You get there five minutes late, but still wind up having to wait 15 minutes for Rick to arrive. No, he didn’t text you to let you know he’d be running late. And no, he didn’t apologize for being late upon his arrival.

Finally, the waitress seats you (after Rick made her switch the table 57 times). Rick doesn’t ask you what you want to drink. He just orders something disgusting and rambles on about his job and his friends, the party he was at last Tuesday and other things he believes are making him sound cool.

You hate Rick. You need to leave. Like, now.

But how do you get out of here without being a total asshole? Yes, Rick is the worst, but you don’t want to stoop to his level of rudeness.

Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered with 15 sure-fire excuses to get you out of the worst first date ever:

1. Start coughing disgustingly.

Muster up the phlegmiest, most disgusting cough you possibly can and DON’T STOP COUGHING.

Then just start waving your hands frantically and walking out of the restaurant as if to say, “I’m so sorry! I don’t know what’s going on! I can’t stop coughing! I need to leave!”

But obviously you couldn’t actually say those things because you were so busy coughing!

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