Look, internet. You aren’t going to find someone who believes in true love and happily-ever-afters like me.
I’ve always been someone who values finding partnership and have spent a large, embarrassing amount of my life not-so-secretly hoping that my soulmate exists.
Well, guess what? I found him. He’s the best. But I’d be lying if I said their were no trade-offs to being single.
When you jump into a relationship, a spotlight on things you used to take for granted suddenly pops up, bright and beaming, highlighting the perks you used to have when flying solo. Here are few of the surprising things you’ll miss about being single.
Adhering to only one schedule
There’s a reason people call singledom “freedom,” because you are literally free to do whatever you want.
One of the biggest adjustments to make when being in a serious relationship is suddenly you have to take two people’s individual schedules and lives into consideration when planning anything.
Dinner, trips, what you’re doing Saturday night and when can you finish Ru Paul’s Drag Race all require someone else weighing in on if and when it’s convenient for them.
Eating for one person
Speaking of dinner, I think I can speak on behalf of all of us when I say it is hard enough trying to feed ourselves, let alone TWO people.
Everyday I am just consistently thinking, When can I eat? What can I eat? When can I eat? What can I eat? How much is it going to cost? Also, when can I eat?
Adding another human stomach and TOTALLY DIFFERENT tastebud palate to the mix is a literal nightmare. How was I supposed to know my boyfriend hasn’t had anything besides Greek yogurt this morning and was planning to order Chinese takeout, meanwhile I stopped by the supermarket for chicken wings on my way home?
What am I, a STOMACH WHISPERER?!
Pre-gaming with girl friends
Nobody tells you the years you spent blasting T-Pain and shoveling Absolute Raspberry vodka into a Minute Maid powder mix while perfecting your cat eyeliner before going out to Buffalo Wild Wings are going to be the best years of your life. But they are.
Being in a relationship changes not only what you do when you go out, but how you prepare to go out.
Getting wasted and doing your choreographed dance to Nelly with your sorority sister is now a distant memory. Now, getting ready for a big date night is a lot more like trying on Spanx in hopes you look like Marnie from HBO’s “Girls” before her life fell apart.
Never compromising on… well… anything
SO MUCH of serious relationships is compromise. Like, 99.9 percent of it.
Everything from the movies you watch on Friday to who gets the left side of the bed is a negotiation, and the days of never having to think about what your bubble gum flavored chapstick addiction means to somebody else are over.
When you’re in a serious relationship, so much of your decision-making becomes a tit-for-tat exchange, and you are suddenly aware of all the freedom (BUZZ WORD ALERT!) you used to have when making decisions of any kind.
Being able to cancel plans with a fake excuse
There is nothing I love more than canceling plans and just staying home. Here’s the kicker: When you’re in a real relationship, chances are your BF or GF actually knows what’s up with you.
Excuses like, “My mom is in town” or “I’m sick” or “Work is crazy!” don’t fly, because your boo-bear can call BS, BS and more BS.
Say goodbye to guilt-free afternoons snuggled in your bed, giving zero fucks about other people’s plans. You’re in LOVE, baby.
Giving no fucks
When you’re single, you have one person and one person only to worry about.
That’s right: Beyoncé.
But SECOND to Beyoncé, you only have to worry about yourself. However, when you’re coupled up, you would not BELIEVE the amount of fucks you start giving.
Things like, “How are you feeling?,” “Be safe getting home,” “Are you mad at me?” “What are you thinking about?” “What is your schedule like this week?” “Are you hungry?” “Are you tired?” “Are you sad?” “Are you sick?” “Are you OK?” “WHAT’S HAPPENING WHAT’S HAPPENING WHAT’S HAPPENING?” consume your every conscious thought, and BOY, is it a damn drag.
Assuming responsibility for only your own actions
You know how, like, in reality TV, you’ll be watching someone’s boyfriend be a TOTAL ASSHOLE, and when people say to the girlfriend, “You need to do something about this,” they’re always like, “I’m not in charge of him,” and then you’re, like, “No… but I mean… you COULD say something to help make the situation better?”
Yeah, that’s what it’s like being in a relationship. Suddenly, you aren’t only accountable for your words and actions, but also accountable for the words and actions of your (sometimes drunk, sometimes hangry, sometimes paranoid, etc.) significant other.
That butterfly feeling you get when you think you might run into your crush
Sure, being in love is, like, bomb. But there really is something truly magical about thinking, Tonight is the night I could meet the love of my life, every single Friday or Saturday evening.
Finding your person is sort of like the day after Christmas. True, now you get to play with all your new shit, but the 364 days of anticipation leading up to opening your presents is over, and damn it, don’t I love a good Christmas.
All I have say is, I wouldn’t trade my relationship for anything, even a raspberry vodka shot. However, I will dream about them fondly and remember a simpler time when all I needed to worry about was if “Vanderpump Rules” was on demand or not.
Ah. C’est la vie.